My friend over at "My Life Transformed" has been going through a challenging season in her life as she confronts the PPD (Postpartum Depression) that crept into her life following the birth of her daughter. In one of the comments I left on her blog, I suggested that she read "Let Your Life Speak," a book by Parker Palmer that I read for the first time in undergrad while helping to plan an event where he was the keynote speaker. Since that time, I've read and re-read the book a few times. Everyone should have good books that feed the soul and this is one of my favorites, so much so that if I think about it too much I can't help but read it again.
I've been thinking about the book nonstop since I mentioned it to her, so as soon as the kids went down for nap time today, I started contemplating incorporating it into today's pamper mission. I settled on a few minutes of reading that book while enjoying one of my favorite comfort foods: salad.
I know salad isn't comfort food for everyone, but I think we tend to crave what we grow up with. This salad is extra special to me because it's one that my Mom used to make. So, when I get to thinking deep thoughts and want to snuggle in a bit, this is one of the first things I think of making. To replicate it, throw some romaine in a bowl and then add chopped cilantro, green onion, oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes and candied pecans. Drizzle with raspberry vinaigrette and you are good to go.
I made myself comfortable on the sunny bench at our kitchen table and set about reading the first chapter, where Palmer talks about listening to your life instead of telling it what to do. Most people decide what virtues are important to them and then set out to meet those ideals. They decide what they want to do with their life and then try to achieve those goals. But, Palmer argues that we should learn to listen to our lives instead of ordering them around.
"'Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen to what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.'" (Palmer, 3)
This chapter always gets me thinking about times in my life where I've ordered my life around verses when I've listened in the quiet for it to speak and become what it is. As a young teen struggling with addiction, I certainly wasn't letting myself speak, nor was I letting it speak when I tried to work in corporate America and came home each day so tired from resentment that I fell asleep in my dinner. It also didn't work when I went into the birth of my first child with preconceived notions of how things were supposed to be and ended up with every intervention in the book. The times in my life where I have been most miserable, depressed or sick (physically, emotionally, spiritually) have been those times where I got bossy with my life and tried to make it into something that it simply wasn't.
Conversely, the times of greatest happiness and meaning in my life are when I am able to let go and let life be what it will, without expectation and force. When I started college, I knew I had picked the right institution for me. It was a spiritual decision. I could hear my life speaking and just felt I was in the right place, even though I didn't know why or what I was going to do there. I trusted God. I thought I might major in music but when that wasn't a fit, I was able to let go and the next thing I knew, I found myself majoring in Religion, accepting the call to ministry and working in the chaplain's office and the office of church relations. It was a deeply fulfilling time in my life because I allowed it to become what it was meant to be.
Meeting my husband online, moving to North Carolina, raising my children, homeschooling, doing ministry work, birthing my second child at home, participating in ICAN, teaching music, writing and many other things also fall into this category. These are not things that I placed in my life plan 10 or 20 years ago and I didn't force them into being, They just became and they are not important because of what they are, but rather because they are my life force and embody the values I represent. They're things that I am passionate about, things that draw me into deeper relationship with God and humanity, things that push my life forward and bring meaning and passion to my days.
Right now, I'm in a time of transition in my life. I've just had a baby, my Mom just died and I'm contemplating work transitions that will allow my days to more easily be what they are meant to be (family focused, community focused, relationally focused). Part of listening to my life means that I am able to enjoy the journey. I do not know where these transitions will bring me, but I haven't been able to predict the outcome of any other changes in my life either, you know? Life is a pilgrimage of surprises, meant to be enjoyed. My life is speaking in the quiet, telling me to move more and more toward communion with others, to take the pressure of deadlines off of myself, to find more and more ways to laugh and enjoy good company.
One of the things my Mom's death has brought to mind is the reality that none of us know how long we have to live, so we must live with passion and do the things that we must now. Live your life now and do not assume that you have a tomorrow! Waiting until next year or ten years from now to do the things that bring you joy is risky when all we are guaranteed is today. Be grateful for the way things are and find joy in your life as it is unfolding, without the expectation that it should be something different. Listen to your life today. Be authentic today. Do what is important today. Seek joy, meaning and worship of God today. Enjoy your life today.
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