By the time we left the park, Will was misbehaving and needed to get home, He was beyond tired. Behavior was an on and off issue with him today. Tantrums, defiance, throwing things, crying. Will is still having a hard time with Mom being dead and his behavior sometimes really reflects his struggles with understanding and communicating his issues as a three year old. Things are better than they were at first but we have a ways to go. When Will has a hard day it is very tiring for me.
On top of Will's issues, the phone calls and emails with regard to Mom's stuff were rolling in. Her memorial service is in a week and we leave in less than a week, so communication and responsibilities are really picking up. It's just that I'm only one person and I'm a person with two kids who homeschools, nurses and works from home on top of trying to keep on top of Mom's stuff. I'm also helping a three year old with his grief and dealing with my own. I can't do it all. I can't always get things in or to people in a timely fashion. I can't always get to the phone, answer voicemails or return emails. I do the best that I can but people are going to be disappointed in me because I just cannot do it all.
Everyone who contacts me is contacting me about something genuinely important and I recognize that but I just can't do it all. Something being important isn't going to add extra hours to the day or give me energy that I don't have or get my kids to sit down and be quiet (ROFL!!!) while I get things done. I just cannot do it all and I have to just handle the next most important thing and what doesn't get done is lower on the priority list not because I don't care, but because something even more important had to be tended to. I fully realize that people are entitled to have expectations of me and to feel that their requests are of the utmost importance, but I am also entitled to be human and to let them down and right now I feel like I am doing that more often than not and that's just the way it's going to have to be. People are going to have to be frustrated with me and that's okay --I can take it. I am just one person and I can't run myself into the ground so that I'm unable to take care of myself or my family when we fly to Minnesota next week.
I tried to do too much today in the way of correspondence while I was trying to help Will through his issues. I got to the point where I just couldn't do one. more. thing. Unfortunately, there are still lots of people waiting to hear from me on things but that's just how it's going to have to be. I got way too worn out today. I should have stopped sooner. I should have rested sooner, but I didn't. Around 3:30, I finally sat down on the couch and must have fallen asleep. I don't even remember it. The next thing I knew, Allen was getting home from work at 5:30. So, my pampering for today was finally getting some rest. It wasn't planned that way, but sometimes my body just demands what it needs and takes it....it knows how to pamper itself when I don't slow down on my own.
Tomorrow morning, I have a hair appointment and then Allen and I are going on a date in the evening: dinner and a movie while the kiddos play at a friend's house. I cannot wait. I need that break soooo very badly and that time to reconnect with my husband, just he and I. I might even stop at CVS sometime tomorrow and pick up those pampering items I wanted to get. We'll see. All I know is that I need some time out. I need time to be with my family and enjoy them before all the business and emotions of the coming week. So, if you're waiting for something from me, you're just going to have to keep waiting while I get myself together tomorrow.
Today was going to be a pictureless post because it's kind of hard to take a picture of myself sleeping (lol) but, I'm going to put a picture of Mom and I up here just for kicks:
I love this picture of you two. You can see love and pride and just the pure enjoyment of being together in both your eyes. No one is going to be disappointed with you, Anne. Anyone who cares about you knows everything you are juggling and has patience and understanding. Anyone who is disappointed and doesn't "get it", doesn't matter. This is a time for your mourning and remembrance and reminiscing. Don't let others' demands/needs/impatience get in the way of that.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amanda! That was taken in July 2010 when cousins Sonia and Dale were visiting. We had such an amazing time that day.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support. You know, aside from maybe one person (who doesn't even know this blog exists. lol.), nobody is really being pushy or rude, or overly persistent or anything like that. It's more that all the phone calls, emails etc are coming through all at one time. But, nobody knows I have 50 thousand other people trying to get in touch with me at the exact same time they are, so they think I can just get back to them or don't know just how impossible that is, you know? LOL, like it could seem like a 5 minute return call is no big deal, but when I have *so many* 5 minute phone calls to make (that won't *really* be just 5 minutes. lol.) it's not that easy. You know what I mean? Also, all kinds of business stuff that I have to deal with right now. That stuff is going to have to wait until after the memorial service, though. First things first.